∞ 15 other offers RIM could use to sell PlayBooks

Written by

Message from Jim: Earlier today RIM began offering a “buy 2, get 1 free” PlayBook deal. I thought it would be appropriate to help the company come up with some other special offers. I contacted Darby Lines, aka The Angry Drunk, to work some of his magic.

Take it away Darby:

  1. The Sampler package: Buy 4 PlayBooks and get a Samsung Galaxy Tab, a Motorola Xoom, an HP TouchPad and a Dell Streak. Enjoy the full range of crappy tablets.

  2. The Content Creator’s Package: Buy a PlayBook and get a free Etch a Sketch. One guess which one you’ll create more content on.

  3. The Executive package: Buy 100,000 PlayBooks and you will be appointed as RIM’s tri-co-CEO. We need to bump up those sales figures – and face it, we need all the decision-making help we can get.

  4. The Canadian Pride package: Buy 10 PlayBooks and get a lifetime supply of poutine. We’re good at things, really!

  5. The Communicator package: Buy 2 PlayBooks and get an iPhone so you can check your email during one of our massive BBM outages.

  6. The Financier package: Buy 3 PlayBooks and get a toaster. Hey, it worked for the banks.

  7. The Entertainment package: Buy 1000 PlayBooks and get Celine Dion. Two Canadian turkeys for the price of one.

  8. The Philanthropist package: Buy 20 PlayBooks and we’ll feed a starving child in Africa for a year. You’re not going to let this poor kid starve are you?

  9. The Animal Lover package: Buy 5 PlayBooks or the puppy gets it.

  10. The Spiritualist package: Every time you buy a PlayBook an angel gets its wings.

  11. The Road Warrior package: Buy 30 PlayBooks and get a sawed off shotgun and 100 gallons of gasoline. In a post-apocalyptic wasteland the gun and gas will come in handy, and the PlayBooks can be converted into a crude body armor.

  12. The OccupyWallStreet package: Buy 200 PlayBooks and get a round trip ticket to New York City. Use the PlayBooks to construct a nice urban yurt in Zucatti Park.

  13. The Innovator package: Buy 7 PlayBooks and get a copy of “Steve Jobs” by Walter Issacson. Learn how to produce a tablet people actually want.

  14. The Pragmatist package: Buy 3 PlayBooks and get an iPad. Face it, you’re going to get one anyway.

and last but not least

  1. Order now and receive a free 8×10 autographed glossy portrait of the Beard. A collector’s item your children are sure to cherish for years to come. Operators are standing by.