Well hello there! ‘Tis I, The Beard, here once again to share my inestimable wisdom with the masses. The big news ’round these parts recently was, of course, Macworld 2010. As you probably know Jim and I sat this one out, but I wasn’t resting. No, last week I ditched Jim and took off for a far better event: Hairworld Expo 2010 in Lincoln Nebraska. Unfortunately my good friends Hair of Chris Breen and Andy Ihnatko’s Mutton Chops couldn’t make it since they were over at Nerdapalooza in San Francisco, but the keynote speech by William Shatner’s toupee was excellent.

But enough of my exciting journeys, let’s get down to the news of the day.

Apparently Microsoft announced an update to their mobile phone operating system. Wow, they still make Windows Mobile smartphones? At any rate, the dweebs at Engadget seem to think it’s just the bee’s knees so it’s bound to be absolute garbage.

Moving on from the world of irrelevant phone operating systems we move to irrelevant rich people who can’t take a joke. Last week the narcissists at the TED conference got their shorts all in a twist because invited speaker Sarah Silverman dropped the “retard” word like it was going out of style during her presentation. Here’s a free clue you rich doofuses. When you invite a comedian to speak at your precious little event, it might be a good idea to check out her routine first. I know this from first hand experience. The people at the National Pogonophobia Society were not thrilled to have Dalrymple speak at their convention, believe me.

And lastly I want to give a shout out to the geniuses of the Lower Merion School District, who are now in court facing a lawsuit alleging that they used tracking software to enable the iSight camera in a school-issued Macbook in order to catch a student engaging in “inappropriate behavior” while at home. The Beard’s sources tell him that the “inappropriate behavior” was actually using a Windows Mobile smartphone, so good on you Lower Marion School District. That sort of thing cannot be allowed.

Until next time, farewell.